I’d like to take a poll but better yet, I’d like to see your comments on the first page of my work in progress; Demons and Jade.
All I want to know (I suppose) is, if you read this first page, would you want to keep going. (?)
I realize this is a dangerous experiment because not everyone is into the whole pirate historical fiction thing but hey, that’s what we writers do, right? We risk it all to tell the stories we want to tell and put ourselves out there, regardless of what may come back. 🙂
If you’ve read The Blue Diamond, then this opening scene will seem very familiar. However, I’ve rewritten the scene to open this book with but in Ivory’s perspective. This scene is crucial to her story as this was the day the Ivory Razor was truly born.
First page only…(Of course as we writers also know, this could end up completely different once the book is published)
Demons and Jade – Book 2 – The Ivory Razor Adventure Series
CHAPTER ONE – NO QUARTER – PAGE ONE
Had I known the repercussions of murdering the captain of a pirate ship, I may have taken the time necessary to rethink the act. However, as I stood over the bloody, lifeless body of Captain Christopher Barclay, as well as no less than seven of his crew, as usual it was too late to change my mind. Change my mind indeed. As if I had a choice.
As if I’ve ever had a choice that didn’t involve a fight or at the very least, defending myself against some man, hell bent on destroying me or my kin. I must always follow my instincts, regardless of the fallout of my actions and had I not done so, I most certainly would not have lived to see the rest of this unspeakable day.
I pleaded with the man not to kill them all. If he’d have only been more of a man and less a murderous monster, perhaps this day may have ended for him as he lay down at last, safe and whole in his bunk. Alas, this was not to be. Instead the surge of the battle within him overtook his senses and he snatched me by the back of my neck.
“Miss Shepard, take your ladies below. And should these swabs be foolish enough to fight back and God forbid we lose this fight, kill your cousins… and then yourself. Trust me, you’ll not wish to draw breath should that pack of dogs board us.”
“I’ll send them below, but I’ll not pass up the chance at last to show your own pack of dogs who I am.” What the hell was I thinking?
“It’s your pretty head. If the first sight of a sail dropped you, let’s hope you can stay on your feet when they bare their fangs and lunge at your throat.”
“I’ll live Captain. And perhaps you haven’t noticed, but they’re not ladies anymore. Today shall prove that.” We’d spent weeks in rags, cleaning up after pirates, listening to their vile comments and working as virtual slaves in order to secure our passage to Jamaica. Perhaps I’d had enough and was ready for a fight.
Author P.S. Bartlett 
Totally would read more! 🙂
Yay thank you and thank goodness because I’m already 12K words in 🙂
I think it’s almost there. I would either cut the first sentence of the third paragraph of place it elsewhere in the paragraph. I think perhaps leaving it out would be good. Going right into his being a monster has more impact I feel.
As for would it make me want to read more?
As someone not familiar with the first book, yes for certain. As someone who has read the first book I would say I would be curios as to where it’s going and why a back in time moment. But that would likely be explained in the book description.
Yep, I’d read more. The first sentence caught my interest. Just a note: I don’t understand the phrase “If the first sight of a sail dropped you.”
Thank you Camille. When pirates were on the hunt, when they spotted their prey they would call out “Sail!” It signified that the hunt was on. This was terrifying to Ivory as she’d never been in a battle before and when she heard them call out, “sail,” she fell to her knees on the deck in fear. I hope that helps to explain it. Perhaps I’ll try to write that with a bit more explanation. 🙂